June 28 Update from Brandon: "Here it is June 28, 2008 and, well, now it has been four months since I laid Karin to rest. Again, it is hard to believe where another month of time has gone. I do know it is still continues to be very lonely without Karin especially in the evenings and at night. Doing things with family & friends helps to fill my weekends.
     In the beginning of May, I went to a local car show in Mechanicsburg, PA. My friends, Skip & Jen with their two little girls, came along also. The following weekend I drove to Tim & Linda's for a surprise dinner for Linda for Mother's Day. Brian, Kelly & Gage, Scott, Crystal & Hunter, Tim, Linda & I celebrated over dinner together and later enjoyed time around the camp fire. The following weekend I headed to Pittsburgh to see Karin’s Gram Freund. It was nice to visit with other Freund family relatives who came to Gram's to see me. I did some things for Gram around the house but of course it had to rain most of the time I was there so we couldn’t do much outdoors. The last weekend, of course, was Memorial weekend. I headed to the “fields" with the Eckley clan for "R & R." It was very nice and good to hug & see folks I have not seen for a while, but also very emotional.
     I'm sure you can all remember our wedding. Well, our anniversary was the last Tuesday in May this year and it would have been a great and wonderful eight years since we were married. I have been to Karin’s grave quite frequently to put fresh flowers at her side. I can just imagine that she is probably shaking her head at me and wondering while she did not get more flowers when she walked this earth.
     Through the weeks of the month I been doing little handyman jobs and continuing to work on finishing the renovation of my parents’ basement. Home remodeling work around here has been very slow because we are in such a financially strapped economy. The one big job I thought I had lined up might not turn out to be mine after all. It is just like starting business all over again for me and not a good time for me to be relying on self-employment. So I have been looking for another steady job working for someone else. However jobs are not plentiful either and it fact it seems there are only slim pickings in the job market around here unless you want to work fast food, at a convenience store, or as a nurse. Besides putting in some replacement windows, I have not done much more around the house. I still need to line up some help in order to finish and put in the picture window.
     All in all though, I think I am still doing O. K., but some days I feel like I struggle just to put one foot in front of the other and make it through the day. I am still not on a good sleep schedule and so I have to fight with myself to get up early in the morning. Your words of encouragement help on days like that and I would like to remind everybody that I look at Karin's web site everyday and thank you all for your post-a-notes.  :)"

May 1st Update from Brandon: "It has been 2 months since we laid beloved Karin to rest. I can’t say this has been an easy time for me but I have been trying to stay motivated every day. It is very hard to start each morning but working helps me get through the days. It is a little tougher on weekends and evenings to figure out how to pass the hours when I am alone.
"I have been working half days on my parents’ basement and it is coming along. I have also done some minor repairs for clients. Here at home I have installed replacement windows in the house and still have the picture window to do. I also plan on putting shutters, soffit, fascia, and new gutter up. When Karin was in rehab for that short time, she managed to pick out colors for the house.

(The picture is one we took to send to Tim & Linda announcing
that we had taken the big step of buying our first house.)

"The 2nd and 3rd Thursday in April, I went to flower auction where I purchased flowers for the flowerbeds in the front of the house. I have almost all the flowers planted. The flower beds look beautiful.
"The 3rd Friday in April, I went to Karin’s Uncle Dan’s for his 60th birthday. It was hard crossing the Susquehanna River at Williamsport because of a lot of good memories that Karin and I shared nearby. Pennsylvania College of Technology is in Williamsport and that is where we lovebirds met. I wanted to stop but could not find it in me, so I continued to Uncle Dan’s. It was good to see family you don’t get to see on a regular basis.
"The following weekend I planned to stay home but on Saturday, Tim and Linda came to my parents’ house for dinner and we did something special in Karin's honor. I enjoyed our family time together over dinner. Then we went outside where I made fire in the fire pit my Dad had constructed and rebuilt at least 3 times while waiting for Karin to come home from the hospital after her transplants. Actually, he had planned for Karin to be the one to light the first fire so I did it instead in her honor. For our family it was a sacred moment. By the way, I did it using flint-and-steel and native grasses like our people did in the earlier times (click on the thumbnails below to see pictures.) It seemed so significant that just as we gathered to light the first fire it began to rain. The heavier rain held off just long enough for me to light the fire. I felt like Karin was present because of those “rays of liquid sunshine” falling from the sky. The rain never stopped Karin! At our mountaintop wedding it had rained all through the ceremony but Karin wouldn't give up on her dream.
"Again, I would like to thank everybody for their continuing support. I also ask that people keep our friend Karen Arrowood in their prayers. She is still awaiting a kidney and liver transplant."

Inaugurating Bordner's Fire Pit Photos by Tim Marks 5/1/2008

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March 26th Update from Brandon: "I can't call or write to everyone who has asked about how I am doing so I hope this gives you an idea. It is all kind of a blur and well I'm not sure where to begin telling about what has been happening since I laid Karin to rest. I know the following week I got sick and I still have this dry cough. I really tried to get some rest but it just isn't happening. I am not sleeping well at night. In fact, I have not slept good since February 26, 2007 but I am sure I'm not the only one who has been having trouble sleeping.
St. Patrick's Day/ Birthday On March 14th I set up a business appointment to do an estimate for a homeowner. I made the appointment for March 17th not even thinking about that being my birthday. But I called on Monday morning to make sure the home owner would be there at the time we agreed on. However that evening when I showed up at the house no one answered the door or the phone when I knocked and then called them on my cell phone. So I left after knocking and calling a second and then a third time fifteen minutes later. I was really disappointed that it turned out to be a waste of time and gas to travel there instead of being with family on my birthday. However a week earlier I did get to celebrate my birthday with some friends that live up by Tim & Linda. By the way, I drove my 1976- 6500 GMC dump truck up there. It had not been driven since August of 2007. But thankfully it ran better than any other vehicle I own right now. I confess I may have had a little too much to drink that night. The following night I went out with friends from back home here. We had a fun evening recalling good times but there were no more birthday drinks for me that night. Sunday, March 16th, we celebrated my birthday a day early at my parents because I had scheduled that appointment for the evening of my actual birthday. My Dad and I went for lunch at the V.F.W. on St. Patrick's Day and I won $ 104 dollars after spending $17, the luck of the Irish, maybe?
Easter: This past weekend I went north to see Tim, Linda, Scott, Crystal, Hunter, Brian, Kelly, and Gage. They fixed Mexican food so we had a little fiesta on Saturday. It was good to see everybody. Easter Sunday I spent with my parents and sisters. It was nice but very emotional for me. My Mom & I visited the cemetery to pay our respects at Karin's grave. That was the first that I was there since Feb. 23rd, the day of the funeral. It was good to be with family on these special days but honestly St. Patrick's Day, Easter, and my birthday just weren't very enjoyable for me.
Plans:
* I plan on working with my Dad tomorrow, he is going to help me clear out the storage space I had rented to use for my business because I cannot afford to keep paying rent for something I have hardly used. We are moving things to the shop where they live.
* I have also been working to clean out my basement over the past 3 weeks but it has been hard, partly because I have not done any physical labor since summer of 2006. I started to work on finishing the basement before Karin went in for the transplant and now I need to make room so I can finish at least one section of it. You may remember that talks began about Karin going to rehab in September. I went to a seminar where they told us what kind of things you should know about dealing with anti-rejection meds and reduced immunity and I began to think of things I had to do to the house before she could return home. So I ordered windows, a new central air unit, and some other materials needed to get the house in shape for Karin to come home. (Karin didn't get to rehab until October, as we know). But I had also painted our bedroom at that time because it was going to be important to have things germ and allergen free and evenly heated and cooled when Karin came home. I still plan on doing some more remodeling and doing it in the colors Karin had picked out for the house.
* My sister and her two young daughters are living with me right now. They moved in back in June of 2007 so the house would not sit empty while we at the hospital in Pittsburgh. I am glad they are here because it is very hard for me to be alone at the house.
Finally, I really want to thank every one of you for everything you have done for me. In fact I just can't say it enough, Thank you! I will still be passing info onto the "Webmaster" for Karin's web page from time to time for a while yet. It really helps me and makes me feel good to share with others what Karin and I had. More than ever this past month I feel so appreciative for family and friends." Brandon

"This poem was framed by Karin for me and it hung outside our bedroom door. Every time we passed through the door it was there for us to read. I just wanted to share this poem with everybody because we both believed it strongly together. I know it helps me to share what Karin and I believed in, because I would like others to find comfort in it also." Brandon

"LOVE CAN LAST FOREVER IF YOU WANT IT TO"
Love is the strongest and most fulfilling emotion possible
It lets you share your goals, your desires, your experiences
It lets you share your life with someone
It lets you be yourself with someone who will always support you
It lets you speak your innermost feelings to someone who understands you
It lets you feel tenderness and warmth ~ a wholeness that avoids loneliness
Love lets you feel complete
But in order to have a lasting love relationship
you must make a strong commitment to each other and love
and you must do and feel everything within your mind and body
to make this commitment work
You must be happy with yourself and you must understand yourself
before you can expect someone else
to be happy with you or to understand you
You must be honest about yourself and each other at all times
and not hold any feelings back
You must accept each other the way you are and not try to change each other
You must be free to grow as individuals yet share your life as one
but not live your life through each other
You must follow your own principles and morals
and not follow what societal roles tell you to do
You must believe that men and women are equal
and that neither person should be made to feel inferior in any way
In order to have a lasting love relationship
you must be together always in your heart
but not necessarily always in your activities
You must be proud of each other and love
and not be ashamed to show your sensitive feelings
You must treat every day spent with each other as special
and not take each other or your love for granted
You must spend time talking with each other every day
and not be too busy with outside events
that you are too tired for each other
You must understand each other's moods and feelings
and not hurt each other intentionally
but if your frustrations are taken out on each other
you must both realize that it is not a personal attack
You must be passionate with each other often and not get into boring patterns
You must continue to have fun and excitement with each other
and not be afraid to try new things
You must always work at love and your love relationship
and not forget how important this relationship is
or what you would feel like without it
Love is the strongest and most fulfilling emotion possible
If you commit yourself to love
love can last forever if you want it to . . .
and I do"